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You won't regret it

Southisland_1

We've all had the experience: someone talks you into doing something you don't want to do, but afterward you're so glad you did. It could be a last-minute drop-everything dinner with friends when you thought you had too much work to do. Maybe it's a run down a black-diamond slope you didn't think you could handle. It could be a business risk where you had intended to play it safe. Or maybe it's taking the scenic route, when the "better" choice was to take the quicker path.

Now and again, I try to remember some of the things I initially resisted that turned out to be wonderful. Because whenever someone asks if I want to take the scenic route, my first instinct is to say, "I don't have the time for that." Always in a hurry. Can't waste time. Things to do. But when I give in and agree (usually under pressure), I rarely regret it.

There are so many opportunities--big and small, trivial and important--that we dismiss out of habit or fear or simply because we didn't slow down long enough to consider how it might feel if we said yes. At the end of my life, I'll have a lot of regrets, but taking the scenic route isn't one of them. But what about taking risks on a job, relationship, move, business, adventure? If I fail, will I regret trying? Or will I regret not trying?

Opportunities are not unlimited. There are only so many scenic routes we can take. Only so many sunsets. Only so many chances at love or business. Only so many possibilities to send our lives in new directions. Only so many places to explore. Only so many ways to see someone else light up when you help them learn or do something they didn't think they could do. Only so many live concerts. Only so many moments to talk to your significant other or kids without keeping one eye on the television. Only so many dog walks. Only so many new things to learn, and fewer to master.

Only so many chances to make a difference.

The photo at the top is one I took on my recent visit to New Zealand. I had wanted to stay in Queenstown, but someone convinced me that I'd really appreciate the extra trip in to Glenorchy. I was tired and didn't want to push further (especially since it was getting late). But had I not given in, I would have missed what turned out to be a spectacular sunset over the lake.

I have learned that I will never regret taking the scenic route. What about you? Are there things you didn't want to do, but later were so glad that you did? Are there things you wish you'd do a better job of saying yes to, despite whatever perfectly sound reasons you have for saying no?

Posted by Kathy on August 21, 2006 | Permalink

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» My Road Less Traveled, or, Taking the Time to Stop and Smell Myself from satorimedia
Kathy Sierra did it again, with a post about taking the road less traveled and never regretting it. Strangely, though, her entry did not make me want to go to New Zealand, or start another small business, or begin training [Read More]

Tracked on Aug 21, 2006 7:31:29 AM

» Embracing Your Insanity Part I: Giving In To Your Urges from Dustin Walper . com
This is the first part of a series on the art of embracing your insanity, something I believe is usually completely overlooked. Ill be exploring the various tenets of your underlying insanity, and how you can use them to set yourself apart from ... [Read More]

Tracked on Aug 28, 2006 7:34:22 AM

Comments

You can say that You will not Regret Taking The Scenic Route. You cannot say the same thing about business risk. I guess the trick is to have a bail out plan if things dont work out And learn all the way.

Posted by: Idea, Execution, Profit! | Aug 21, 2006 1:22:43 AM

This puts me in mind of "You pass this way but once... stop and smell the roses". Particularly relevant in today's society.

Posted by: karyn_romeis | Aug 21, 2006 1:56:44 AM

I've often tried to pare down the number of things I've committed myself to in an attempt to calm the storm. But every time I think I'm overbooked and then subsequently come through, it's an exhilarating feeling to see that I've pushed myself further and accomplished more than I thought I could. You are spot on with this observation, and I think it's a great one to always keep in mind!

Posted by: Jason Morrison | Aug 21, 2006 3:08:04 AM

You fall right on time here : I've got to move, to decide if I continue my study and what I want to do with music, a side path I've taken since nearly 3 years now.
I think I think way too much. I've got to do things when I still CAN do it. So I don't have regret later!

Posted by: Sebastien Orban | Aug 21, 2006 3:33:53 AM

Great advice, Kathy. Perhaps there could be a follow-up article in the same vein "Whatever you do, never regret it." Of course you're allowed to do a little regretting, but rather than looking backwards it's better to look forwards and make the most of what you're doing. It's not what you do but the attitude of mind that you have in doing it. That makes all the difference.

Posted by: Barry Welford | Aug 21, 2006 3:36:10 AM

The simultaneity of this post and the previous one is blatant and brazen!

Posted by: John Dodds | Aug 21, 2006 5:39:35 AM

I ended up at Glenorchy totally by chance too!

I was sitting at home in Auckland (New Zealand) on a miserable winters day and turned on the TV. There was a travel show that featured a South Island cycle trip, it looked like a great trip so I rang up and booked for the next summer...

This photo, on the road to Glenorchy, and many more fun adventures was the result:
http://rcd.typepad.com/photos/travel_2003_south_island_/si2003disk01_5.html

(The comment link goes to the full story)

Posted by: Robin Capper | Aug 21, 2006 6:25:15 AM

I think it was Mike Goudeau (co-host of the Penn Jillette Radio Show) who's motto is, "Always go for the story."

That is, in whatever situation you are in, you can try to find fame, fortune, fun, camraderie, or safety. All of these are decent choices, but in a given situation how do you pick the right one?

Well, Goudeau opines that you should choose whatever route will make the best story when recounted years later. Everything else goes away (eventually) but memories will be with you for your entire lifetime (and beyond for those who you share them with).

Posted by: Morgan Goeller | Aug 21, 2006 6:39:56 AM

Actually I've been taking the scenic route for about the last 20 years, and am starting to feel the wear and tear of it. I do have loads of experience and stories to tell, and skills learned, etc., but I'm reaching a point where I feel the need to slow down, to see what comes next rather than reaching out for what I think should come next. Cheri Huber, a zen abbess, has a phrase in one of her books that really resonates for me: "Can you stop trying to change into who you wish you were long enough to find out who you really are?"

It's that stopping and listening part that I'm really not all that good at...part of why I blog, I guess.

Posted by: Gray Miller | Aug 21, 2006 7:09:46 AM

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." -- Sidney J. Harris

Posted by: Jimmy | Aug 21, 2006 7:16:07 AM

I think there is an interesting flip side to this too - what about doing things that everyone around you is telling you that you shouldn't/can't do? For me it was taking a 6 month leave from a job so I could travel. Alone. Around the world. What was facinating to me was the gradual evolution of the response of those around me from "you can't do that!" to "I wish I could do that.". I always responded with "you *could* do it, you just choose not to".

Fast forward 10 years and now I have a young son. I spend a lot of time reminding myself that I won't regret having stopped what I was doing (reading, working on my blog... etc) to play with him. One of these days he isn't going to want my time as much.

Finding the balance between overcommiting yourself to all the things you really want to do - and leaving enough room that you can take the scenic route when you find one in front of you - that is one of the greatest challenges.

A lot of 'taking the scenic route' is grabbing the opportunity when it presents itself. I took that round the world trip when I did partly because I did see a time in my life when it would be much harder to do. I had a few reminders that year that life is short - and that you never know what is around the next corner. Carpe Diem!

Posted by: Jeanne | Aug 21, 2006 8:29:23 AM

This post was perfectly timed. One of my favorite musicians, John Darnielle, is playing a free in-store show at a record store in Seattle tonight to celebrate the midnight release of his band's new album, and I just decided to go.

Do I live hours away from Seattle? Yes. Will it be five in the morning by the time I get home? Yes. Do I have to work tomorrow morning? Yes. Are there fun and interesting things that I could do right here in Portland? Yes. Do I have a lot to do around the house before company comes over on Tuesday night? Yes.

Am I going to regret going to this show? NO FRICKIN' WAY!

Posted by: Lindsey | Aug 21, 2006 9:43:19 AM

Funny, for years I had the Glenorchy Cafe bookmarked on my personal toolbar. I didn't think I'd be going to New Zealand but it just sounded like a perfect place. I hope it was still there and you got to visit it!

Posted by: Susie | Aug 21, 2006 12:19:47 PM

More of a Friendship angle. I was lucky enough to have a couple of friends who talked me into going on Study Abroad at the last minute, despite some odd timing, academic peril and serious Anxiety on my part.

=> Best thing I ever did. -Thanks Chuck and Carl, you knuckleheads! :)

Posted by: Will | Aug 21, 2006 2:41:58 PM

Oh Kathy, that's a beautiful post! I just wrote about 2 things I did last week that I was talked into (modeling & jogging) that challenged me but not in the eloquent way you put your words in.

Inspiring, thank you :)

Posted by: Alvin | Aug 22, 2006 4:52:35 AM

In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Dan Gilbert references a number of psychological studies that confirm your intuition regarding regrets. He notes that


"... most people think they will regret foolish actions more than foolish inactions. But studies show that nine out of ten people are wrong. Indeed, in the long run, people of every walk of life seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did."

Essentially, Dan provides scientific evidence for the inspiring Sydney Harris quote that Jimmy offered earlier (and for a number of other related phenomena, some of which I blogged about a while back).

As for your question about personal experiences, the most powerful example of feeling the fear and doing it anyway that I've acted on was when I was offered my first opportunity to teach. I had just started taking a Toastmasters course in graduate school, and my first class revealed that I could barely stand up, much less talk, in front of a group. The next day, a friend called to ask if I wanted to take over a undergraduate introductory programming class (at another school) in the middle of the semester. I don't know if I've ever felt such strong fear as I did during that phone call -- part of my brain was shouting "what, are you crazy?!" ... after all, my Toastmasters experience provided very sound reasons for saying no. I had never consciously thought of being a teacher, but there was another, quiet, part of my brain that was excited about the possibility, as I had been a student of several inspiring teachers over the years. I decided to accept the invitation, and although I continued to feel lots of fear, I spent lots of time preparing for each class, and the fear diminished over time -- and I found it to be a very rewarding experience.

I guess I wasn't the only one who viewed the experience positively, as I was invited back as an adjunct the following semester, and then offered a full-time position the following year . My five years of teaching represents one of the most fulfilling chapters of my career ... and [so] I have no regrets.

Posted by: Joe McCarthy | Aug 22, 2006 1:18:57 PM

I was just talking earlier to a friend about leaving university to start my own business. I have to say no matter what people say to me I do not regret it.

My first time to this blog I really like what I have read so far.

Posted by: Tahir Fayyaz | Aug 23, 2006 5:56:12 PM

You're right, I don't regret it!
And am very glad I went and did what I was thinking of doing before I read your post! Your post umpted me into it. Thank you.

Posted by: Yes | Aug 24, 2006 3:07:44 PM

Chosing the right thing to do at a moment in time can be like grasp at smoke sometimes.

Any decision can be the correct one if you are open to all experience.

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Posted by: awet | Aug 16, 2007 1:12:04 AM

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